The Interrogation

A week or so ago, I left work a few minutes early to get a start on some outdoor spring cleaning. I had borrowed a friends pressure washer to clean the brick on the house and decided to go ahead and wash the sidewalk and driveway in the afternoons after work. Typically, I wear some old stained shorts, an old white undershirt, and flip flops when doing yard work and this particular afternoon was no different. I had just gotten done pressure washing the patio around the front door and was completely covered in a mixture of algae and mud. The sun wasn't going to be up much longer so I pressed on covered in muck.

So I started down the front sidewalk and inadvertently disturbed some fire ants. There was little I could do before I had a dozen or so ants unleashing their fury on my legs and feet. I quickly pointed the pressure washer at my legs and knocked them off as quick as I could. The only problem there is a 2600 psi stream of water isn't pleasant at a range of 18 inches. So now I'm covered in muck from the waist up and have little red ant bites all over my legs and some additional red colored irritation from the close range self assault with the pressure washer.

Doing what any man would do in my situation, I decided it was time for a break. I went to my little office fridge I keep in the utility room and grabbed a cold one (because a Coke just wasn't going to cut it today). I walked back to the front and resumed washing the sidewalk.

A few minutes went by and out of the corner of my eye I caught some teenage kids walking up the cul-de-sac (2 boys, 2 girls) with a handbag full of literature. From their conservative dress, it appeared that I was about to have an encounter with some Jehovah's witnesses. I really didn't give it another thought and continued my washing. Once the group discovered that none of my neighbors were home they made a beeline straight to me. I've had lots of experience dealing with Jehovah's witnesses before and knew exactly what to expect. Much to my surprise, I quickly found out that I wasn't dealing with Jehovah's witnesses.

The first kid, probably 14 years old or so, introduced himself as a representative of a local independent baptist church and a Christian. I smiled and reciprocated that I too was a Christian. I could tell from his expression that he had his doubts. Despite being slightly offended by his actions, I was quiet and let him proceed. He went through a small piece of literature outlining the path to salvation while the other three kids stood in the cul-de-sac staring at me. After he finished his spill, I told him I appreciated his effort, but that I'm already a Christian and attend another church in town. At this point, all four kids are giving me this look... like they think I'm lying to get them to leave. I'm starting to feel like I'm on trial for something.

The lead interrorgator then started quizing me on my Christian faith, salvation, etc. At this point my displeasure with this band of crusaders had to be obvious, but I answered his questions and felt pretty good about it. They didn't seem as impressed with me as I was with myself but I guess they decided I was a lost cause and decided to head down the street to terrorize someone else.

I went back to finish washing the sidewalk and noticed most of the muck had started to dry on my skin, the ant bites where starting to swell, and my half empty brew is sitting in plain view. At that point the behavior of the crusaders made sense. They looked in my yard and the first thing that came to their young minds was "Hey, lets save this alcoholic leper!".